I Left You a Letter
by Achalys
Summary: I tried to say it. Over and over I tried. But I couldn't. So I wrote it down, so that I wouldn't have to. Because I know that you didn't love me, too. one-sided Roxiri implied Sokai DISCONTINUED
1. Letter 1

**I Don't own anything. So Don't sue. Thanks.**

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Dear Kairi,

_Uh, I've thought about writing thise for so long that I..._

_There are so many things that I've always..._

_I've tried to tell you so many..._

I'm bad at writing letters. Sorry. I keep trying to rewrite this, and I keep screwing myself up so I figured that I better writie it all down fast and not look back over it. Otherwise I'll loose my nerve. So sorry if this doesn't exactly make much sense.

I, uh, Back when we first met. You were running and I was sitting at a table inside that one ice cream shop by the beach. Well, I guess that's not when you met me, but I met you back then. You were running after or away from god only knows what, I still don't know. But anyways, you were really... You really... Heh, well you looked awful. But you looked good. Really good. I almost died when I saw you, really. I was just eating and preparing myself to go hang out with Sora, you know, average stuff. But when I met you...

So I managed to forget you after a day or so. But when you met me two months later when Sora introduced us, I recognized you right away. I couldn't stop smiling, and you kept looking at me like I was some creep. Probably scared the crap out of you. But you scared the crap out of me, too. When you talked to me I wouldn't feel normal for at least a hour afterwards. I don't know how you did it. I fell in love with you without you even knowing me at all. Kinda stupid.

Ya. You stuck around Sora, and I stuck around him to stick around you. But I got what you two were about. Very clearly. You liked him, and he loved you. Just like I did. Do. You tend to do that to people, make them love you. It's kinda crazy.

Back then, did you ever think about me other than your crush's friend? At all? Cuz I thought of you every second. I mean every _second_. The flowers smelled like you, and wind sounded like your laugh. The ocean tried-and failed-to imitate the blue of your eyes.

Sorry, I had help with that last paragraph. Well, I didn't really write it at all. Xion helped. Anyway.

I saw...you two kissing, tht one time after Sora's party. I didn't want to pretend that I hadn't. I really, really, _really _wanted to scream, and yell, and never talk to either one of you guys again. But you know me, I can't seem to give up on lost causes. Figures. But I think that Sora got it, at least a little. He sort of tried to... give me a chance, I think. But you didn't get it. Probably still don't.

Kairi, you're the biggest idiot that I know. So I'm spelling it out, only I don't really want to. You know that we're all leaving to go to different colleges, most of us. You know that I'm going, too. I just really... really wanted you to know how I felt. Feel. You don't have to accept me, you still have Sora. You don't even have to reject me. I don't want you to. I just wanted to tell you, so you know.

I love you.

I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love _you_.

More than life, more than anything. _I love you._

But I know that you don't love me. Not in the way that I do. That's ok, I guess. It'll have to be. You can forget it, forget this letter, forget me. I don't care, really I don't. But right now, I want to have your full attention. I don't want you to read this while thinking of other things. I want you to read this and smile, or laugh, or frown, or cry. But I want it to consume you, just for right now. No Sora, no nothing. Just you, me, and my stupid love letter. Because I do love you. And it feels better than I'd ever thought to write it down and know that you'll read it.

One time, right after Sora had just told us that he wanted to study abroad, you said something to me while we were eating. I had asked you if you were mad at Sora. And you said, "Roxas, I think that I love Sora. Like, really love him. But really loving someone means sometimes giving up what you want most for what they want most. I want Sora to stay with me, but he wants to go. So I'll support him, because I love him." But I hadn't really gotten it.

I think that I do now. I've never had what I've wanted when it came to you, and I'll never get what I want. Sometimes you have to give them what they want, not what you want. You want him. You want Sora. I want you. You, you, _you_. But you want Sora. So you'll get Sora, you've always had Sora. I'll get what I've always had, too. Nothing.

But I'm happy, at least a very little, that you'll always be happy. Because when you're happy, I'm happy. So I guess that _I'm happy_, for you.

I really hope that you red this all of the way through, because it's taken me several hours to write, I guess. I'm sorry that I wasn't brave enough to say all of this in front of you.

_I want you._

_I need you._

_I won't get you._

_I love you._

Love, Roxas

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**Kind of a downer, sorry guys. I think that this is my first Kingdom Hearts fanfic though, yay! :) I love Roxiri, and I'm a sucker for luckless romance and sadness. It's like my guilty pleasure, only it's not chocolate. haha ;)**

**Review, please. Thank you For reading.**


	2. Letter 2

**I totally didn't expect to continue this, but I think that I will. Just for the heck of it. Expect this to just be a series of letters. Enjoy.**

Dear Roxas,

I know that I shouldn't be writing this. It's been a long time and I don't know if you even really remember me. I wasn't going to write, but I happened upon your address and I…Well, I wanted to. But I don't know what I'm going to say.

How have you been? Are you doing ok? I talked to your mom recently – she was the one who gave me your address – and she said that you hadn't called her in over a month, so she told me to tell you to call her. She told me that you had been living overseas for the last year or so. She said that you really enjoyed it.

I'm, um, sorry if this letter seems strange, or out of place or anything. You probably didn't expect to ever hear from me again. I didn't expect you to, either.

You know, I wanted to say sorry for the last time we met. If nothing else, I need to apologize. I was younger, obviously, and I was selfish. I didn't understand what you had been saying to me. After seeing your letter I didn't fully understand, even though you spelled it out for me. But you had my full attention, just like you wanted. Sorry, you probably don't even remember that.

I am aware that I probably sound completely stupid right now, considering that it's been, what, thirteen years? So if you don't remember me, just throw this away right now. I can take a hint.

But if you do remember me, and everything else, then I have to say that I've been a complete coward. I never confronted you about the letter, I never acknowledged your feelings or how cold I was, and I never said sorry. But I just did, so that has to count for something, right?

And I understand that you may completely want to forget me, even if you do remember me. You might be mad, or furious. If so then just throw it away like I said earlier.

But maybe I'm flattering myself that you'd remember me.

Again, I'm sorry for writing this. It's probably pretty meaningless and I haven't really said anything important enough to read. You know what, just throw this letter away. Toss it in the bin. I'm pretty embarrassed at writing it. Sorry to take up so much of your time. But I'

Also, I'm sorry for you loss. I heard only the best about her, and everyone said that she had been such an amazing wife and friend to you. I'm sorry that I never called.

Kairi

P.S.  
If, for some reason, you want to call, or send something back or anything, I've enclosed my phone number and address. Even with this stupid letter, I'd love to get in touch with you.

**Please review.**


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